


Why Won't You Fall In Love With Me?

by flora_09



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Oblivious Hwang Hyunjin, Or Is It?, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, Yang Jeongin | I.N is Whipped, am I perhaps projecting?, poor baby Jeongin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 15:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20623394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flora_09/pseuds/flora_09
Summary: “You’re one to talk best friend? You have everybody kissing your ass and worshiping it. Not a single soul out there who hasn’t fallen for Hwang Hyunjin.”Hyunjin most likely misses the subtle, very subtle, hint that everybody does indeed include Jeongin. Quite confirmed as the first thing Hyunjin thinks is 'not you though' before he throws it out of his mind. A true idiot at heart.Or, Jeongin discovers that getting someone to love you back isn't as easy as the universe makes it seem nor does it solve every existing problem going on in your life. The concept of love Jeongin had was so utterly wrong, he'd have to blame the movies Hyunjin showed him.





	Why Won't You Fall In Love With Me?

It’s somewhere between sunset.

Between summer and autumn, the sky stands pink and blue, stars back to their usual twinkling. Jeongin rests on the climbers, head thrown back, an ache settling in his neck but he’s too lazy to move around. He chooses to close his eyes instead, feels the breeze blow across his face, his overgrown stands falling over his eyelids, he doesn’t really want to cut them anymore. He likes to think the curls make him look just the best, the prettiest. What would Jeongin be without the attention? He gets it plenty enough these days and he’d like to thank his hair for that (and his pretty face very obviously).

The playground also comes to a standstill, no child in sight, abandoned sandboxes and empty ghost whispers of leaves fluttering, Jeongin feels at home.

“You’re early.” It’s not much of an accusation, most likely a statement.

“Didn’t have anything better to do.” Jeongin mumbles, glancing down, the pain at the back of his neck making itself felt at he finally moves it. Hyunjin stands there and Jeongin almost scoffs at how aesthetically the sky’s changing colours behind him. Another way the universe kicks him like its little bitch? Most likely. Hyunjin gets the pretty backdrop as soon as he enters all while Jeongin was left in this mushy, confused shades trying to overshadow each other, the partiality isn’t hidden at all. “So, what got you so desperate to see me?”

Hyunjin has the audacity to scoff at him, he makes his way up the square climbers, easing his freaky long legs over two bars every climb, he settles besides Jeongin, arms curling around the bars above them, feet hanging down, “Luna.” It’s the only word he utters, as though it’s supposed to answer Jeongin’s question and Jeongin feels kinda sad that he knows what’s it all about, he pretends not to.

“What about her?” He asks, eyebrows raised, the perfect act up, he can’t let Hyunjin know that he knows, he isn’t that kind of person to be observative. Jeongin’s laid back, unbothered, not clingy at all. Jeongin’s good at grabbing attention, Jeongin’s good at being pretty, Jeongin’s good at not letting Hyunjin know that he’s everything he pretends not to be when it comes to him.

Hyunjin groans, “She was a total bitch, I can’t believe I thought it would work,” he runs a hand through his properly kept hair, “We broke up, over text.” Hyunjin just lets out an unbelievable laugh, “_Over fucking text. Asshole much?”_ Jeongin bites back his tongue, almost letting out the ‘I predicted that much.’

“So, with that situation, I assume she broke up with you.”

Hyunjin lets out another groan, “Yes.”

Jeongin just shrugs, “New for you, I guess.”

Hyunjin weakly shoves him, the sky finally painting itself blue, stars littered everywhere. They sit there, Hyunjin ranting on and on about how their relationship dissolved into nothing over a month, as though Jeongin didn’t know that it was a dead sign from the very beginning. It happens with Hyunjin, he can’t name a single relationship that lasted more than three months at max. Hyunjin always calls him talking about how he isn’t able to say ‘I love you’ to the person he’s dating, it lingers at the term ‘I like you’ which Jeongin seldom believes is true but he’ll give Hyunjin the credit for trying.

Hyunjin has this whole fairytale version of how relationships are supposed to be, late-night talks, long walk back home to stay together a little longer, touching shoulders, the first call when _anything_ happens, cheesy movie outings. Jeongin, honestly, is disappointed by the fact that even though Hyunjin’s recited his imagined love story a couple of hundred times he refuses to see that he’s describing what they do, _together, always._ Though Jeongin continues to let him date everyone as he wishes, to find a _lover, _he won’t find one, not when he continues calling Jeongin telling him his relationship doesn’t feel right, not while Jeongin’s the one he constantly thinks about at night. He’ll let Hyunjin walk all over his heart. Jeongin won’t confess, he can’t have Hyunjin leave him in between, he wants a _yes. _Nothing less. If Jeongin can see Hyunjin loves him, why can’t Hyunjin?

“I can’t believe _you _of all people haven’t dated.” Hyunjin sighs out, the topic of Justin lost long back, their chat moving towards more spontaneous issues.

“May I ask, what do you by _‘you_ of all people’?” Jeongin says, following Hyunjin’s stress on ‘you’.

“What I mean is that you’ve got people drooling behind you, I don’t understand why you still refuse to even acknowledge them.” Hyunjin explains, staring at Jeongin with curiosity.

“I do acknowledge them. I practically bathe in the attention they give me darling—”

Hyunjin snorts, “You and your obsession with attention.” He rolls his eyes, “Go ahead.”

Jeongin just gives him a look, “As though you don’t know about me being an attention whore since the beginning of times.”

“Oh yeah, definitely remember you earning all the brownie points from practically everyone in school, there’s a reason you’re one of the most popular kids.” Hyunjin grins all while Jeongin tries to hide his smile.

“You’re one to talk best friend? You have everybody kissing your ass and worshiping it. Not a single soul out there who hasn’t fallen for Hwang Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin most likely misses the subtle, _very subtle, _hint that everybody does indeed include Jeongin. Quite confirmed as the first thing Hyunjin thinks is _not you though, _before he throws it out of his mind. A true idiot at heart.

\----X----

Jeongin stands at his locker, stuffing his bag with the books he would need for the next classes before lunch. He sees someone approaching him from the corner of his eyes, pretends like he’s blind. The locker slams shut and Jeongin barely took his hand out of it, he can’t help but think the state of his poor crushed fingers if he was a second late. Eyes land of them, a quiet corridor as kids stare on tentatively, waiting for something big to break out, typical, Jeongin guesses. He glares at the figure, which he realizes is a girl.

She sneers at him, her recently dyed hair tied in a ponytail that swishes behind her, “Did Hyunjin break up with Justin?”

He ignores her, moving on his way to his class, Jeongin doesn’t have time for this headassery, he’s gonna fail his calculus class otherwise. The girl doesn’t stop, running behind him and almost instantly grabbing him by his wrist, not romantically, it’s painful and he feels like she’s going to definitely crush his wrist this time around, finishing the task she aimed to do all along. “I asked you a question.” She says, her tone icy cold.

“A question that has absolutely nothing to do with you.” Jeongin answers, his indifference obvious.

“You would’ve been denying it by now otherwise. So, it’s true.” The girl says, confidence and hopefulness in her tone that Jeongin resents to the very end of his being.

“Whatever floats your boat, Jessie.” He answers, the indifference now turning into an act of pretence, nobody would know though he has it fleshed out quite a lot now.

“Don’t call me that.” She lashes out, “Only Hyunjin calls me that.”

Jeongin sighs at the very end of his wits, “Look, _Jessica, _sweetie as much as I’d like to, there’s nothing I can do except be brutally honest with you,” he musters up his most sympathizing look, “Hyunjin’s not gonna come back, it’s over.” And as much as Jeongin would like to say that he knows it because he’s Hyunjin’s best friend, he doesn’t in reality, he’s taking his best bet, if he lets down the pretense, he’s being absolutely selfish.

Jessica has her hands wrapped around his collar as soon as he ends his sentence, Jeongin briefly thinks about how he needs to come up with better pitying expressions. He also does think that he’s gonna get K.O-ed by a 5’3 girl in the school corridor that just so happens to be Hyunjin’s ex who’s a little not over him, the last part bugging him more than he’d let on. He’s so not ready to miss his calculus class over breaking someone else’s dream of getting together with his best friend, as nice as it sounds to get away from this ridiculous situation, taking a sucker punch and going to the infirmary all while the concepts in the class fly over his head is not compelling enough.

“Get your hands off him.” A calm voice echoes in the corridor, though it holds a stern tone to it, Jeongin recognizes it as Changbin’s. Jessie darling doesn’t seem very pleased by that command though, her hands tightening their hold on his collar, she’s shorter than him, Jeongin doesn’t even realize the odd position they are in, with Jeongin unconsciously bending a bit every two seconds to help her accommodate better, which is inherently stupid of him. When he feels the punch coming, he easily stands up to his full size and side steps, her hold slipping out as though she was surprised Jeongin was actually this taller. Changbin catches up to them by then, “Jessica, the fuck are you doing?”

Before she replies, Jeongin just shoots her a look, “Stay away from me _and _Hyunjin.” He says. He grabs Changbin’s hand and leads them away, back to the task of reaching their calculus class. Changbin stumbles behind him.

They enter their class, glad that the teacher’s still not there. They take their usual seats, Jeongin near the window, Hyunjin behind him and Changbin to his right.

“What took you so long?” Hyunjin whines.

“I couldn’t find my book.” Jeongin lies very easily, a pointed look towards Changbin to stop him from blurting anything.

They move on, the three talking about new movie releases instead, elaborate plans to sneak out of school someday soon to watch them, their teacher enters they busy themselves on taking down notes.

Jeongin later thinks, standing at his locker, staring at the picture of Hyunjin and him laughing as they shove each other, he’s absolutely ugly. Jeongin’s so ugly, not letting Hyunjin know that his ex is still after him, that he got a love letter to deliver to him back in middle school and he never did, he doesn’t want Hyunjin to walk away from him, he will do it anyways but he’ll avoid being the one giving him the chance to. Jeongin’s ugly, so he’ll smother pretty lipsticks and prettier nail paints onto himself, he can’t let anyone know. Jeongin’s pretty, Jeongin has to continue to remain that.

\---X----

It’s winter, the cold wind biting at Jeongin as he sits in the school library reading a book about soulmates, he has the urge to puke reading page after page of two people hopelessly falling for each other, words curling themselves around their wrists, arms, collarbones. He feels an emptiness settle in his heart, not the first time. He wants a soulmate too, someone who’s gonna love him for what he is, he knows who he wants it to be too and he can’t help but feel hurt at the thought that maybe his feelings would never get etched on his skin.

He shuts the book, leaves it at the table. He goes towards the cafeteria, watching his friends laugh together. He picks up some food and settles down besides them, howls and yells of greetings echo throughout the cafeteria, they are too loud for their own good and Jeongin just shakes his head. He continues to listen to their chats, adding his own snarky comments. He can’t help but let his eyes skirt around to Hyunjin, watches him whisper in Seungmin’s ears, the two lost in their own world, he can’t hear them, doesn’t know what they are talking about. He sucks in a breath, suddenly losing all appetite, he can’t stop the ugly feeling that claws at his heart.

Minho definitely notices something as Jeongin zeroes in on something and goes quiet, a frown replacing his smirk, following his line of vision he sees Hyunjin and Seungmin. Yeah, he forgot how Jeongin hasn’t joined them to hang out for a while, he hasn’t seen the progress in their relationship. Minho doubted something but looking at Jeongin now, he can put two and two together.

Jeongin meekly excuses himself, something about needing to go to the washroom. Minho follows him a while later too. He sees Jeongin stand there, red-eyed, splashing water onto his face. He smiles when he sees Minho and Minho can’t help but think how genuine the smile looks, that if he wasn’t in the state he’s in, Minho would think that nothing’s wrong, that Jeongin’s okay. He feels a dread settle into his stomach, how many days did he believe the smile Jeongin’s smiling now.

“Jeongin.” Minho whispers, “What’s wrong?” He steadily moves towards him, trapping him from escaping.

“Nothing at all.” He says, voice leveled out and steeled and Minho’s slowly losing his sanity over how composed Jeongin acts he is, that a small part of him still wants to believe that he’s just being paranoid.

_“Jeongin.” _He says and wraps his hands around him and he can’t help but let out a choked gasp with how easily his hands cave in, his waist so unnaturally small, he can feel his ribs poking just the slightest bit, “_Jeongin, what are you doing?” _Minho sounds horrified.

Jeongin just lets out a clipped laugh, tears finally making their way down his cheeks, he newly coated lip gloss shimmers in the dirty washroom lighting, “Minho, I’m pretty, aren’t I?”

And Minho feels his eyes burn for an entirely new reason.

Jeongin stops showing up for lunch after that, avoiding his friends in the corridor, coming to classes trailing behind his teachers to avoid talking to his friends, leaving as soon as the teacher dismisses them. Everyone feels it, the empty space where their friend used to be, they try to catch hold of him but Jeongin’s always a tad bit faster. Everything falls apart too soon for him to register, the harsh winter isn’t the only thing that leaves him longing for warmth. Home no longer exists, not as his mom grows tired of him being effeminate, slowly and slowly getting more aggressive and open with her disgust, he can’t help but think the kind of comments he’s gonna get if he reveals he likes boys. Hyunjin and him have stopped what they used to do, Jeongin thinks that instead of realizing he loves him, Hyunjin’s falling out of love instead.

Jeongin has to be pretty, Jeongin has to have attention though this time he only needs it from a certain someone, is it bad that he wants Hyunjin to confront him of how he’s being an asshole, is it wrong that he wants him to notice how pretty he’s getting, how his clothes no longer fit him but Hyunjin never notices. He doesn’t look at him anymore, doesn’t call him anymore, like it always happens when he finds someone, _Seungmin, _Seungmin’s the one he’s after now. Jeongin’s confidence is lost, all in a span of six months, Jeongin truly believed that Hyunjin would come to him, would leave his ideals of being straight when he definitely wasn’t, is it going to be Suengmin instead of Jeongin? His heart clenches. Hyunjin’s never gone after people in their friend group, they are closer, more intimate, Jeongin’s going to lose.

He feels so stupid to think Hyunjin would ever love him, he’s not pretty enough, not pretty enough he thinks as he runs the lip gloss over his lips, tears leaking unstoppably, not pretty enough he thinks as he shoves fingers down his throat, _not fucking pretty enough. _Jeongin was happy six months ago, happy being Hyunjin’s best friend, happy knowing Hyunjin’s always gonna come back, he felt like a king. Six months later and his lungs are collapsing as he can’t breathe, six months and Jeongin feels the absolute worst, why can’t his mom understand he needs those pink sweaters in his wardrobe? Why can’t Minho understand that he’s just trying to be pretty nothing else? Why won’t Hyunjin fall in love with him already?

** _2:07 a.m._ **

** _Hyunjin_ **

_Hey, need to talk. Usual place. _

Jeongin leaves him on read, slowly forcing himself up from his bed, not bothering to fix himself as he sneaks out his bedroom window like usual. Jeongin thinks as to why after avoiding him for so long, Jeongin’s so easily walking back to him, as though he can’t resist it. He needs Hyunjin, he missed him so much. Jeongin feels as his life falls apart in front of his eyes, being Hyunjin’s lifeline is no longer fun, that being the one standing there _after_ the chemistry fades is no longer fun. He feels so selfish to want Hyunjin all to himself, he’s so selfish for wishing that this isn’t when Hyunjin’s gonna tell him he’s found _the one_ and that it isn’t him, _Jeongin’s selfish, Jeongin’s ugly._

He can see Hyunjin from where he stands, at their usual place on the climbers, the stars arranging themselves behind him as soft wisps of air blow his hair, he’s looking up into the sky as Jeongin stares at him, he’s so close yet Hyunjin doesn’t see him, he can’t help the tears. (it’s becoming so frequent these days, he feels weak.) The emptiness grows, he feels his limbs becoming heavier.

Jeongin doesn’t want to be anymore.

** **

**Author's Note:**

> Your homegirl got her heart broke lol.


End file.
